“My mom Diane was truly the heartbeat of our family,” said Cary Schilling, reminiscing on memories of his mother. “She just made everyday life better for me, as well as many others.”
Diane Schilling touched countless lives with her kindness, radiant smile and musical talents. Whether with family, friends or strangers, her warm presence comforted everyone she encountered.
Music was at the center of the Schilling family’s world. Diane, a master of ragtime piano, often played alongside her husband, Harvey, who would join in on the accordion or piano. Their love for music filled their lives, with pianos everywhere—from a grand piano in the living room to a piano bolted down to their trailer for performances at parks or in friends’ backyards.Diane and Harvey shared a love that lasted 66 years, spending 63 of those years married. They first met at the Tri-County Fair in Wishek, showing their 4H and FFA projects. Together, they built a life in Bismarck, ND, raising three children while managing multiple businesses. Harvey often juggled two or three jobs, while Diane skillfully balanced caring for their children and maintaining her work in the family businesses. “I just can’t say enough about how well she did and how proud we are of them, and of course how proud I am of her, how she could do all those things,” Harvey said, reflecting on their life together.
Nearly two decades ago, Diane and Harvey decided to discuss their end-of-life wishes with their children. They made updates and changes to their plans over the years, and after Diane’s third stroke, they knew what she wanted. Despite having these conversations, the family was grateful for the reassurance provided by the professionals at Hospice of the Red River Valley.
“Knowing that they were there as an option to give us that extra layer of comfort and to know that when we had questions, they gave us assurance. The assurance of, yes, this is the right thing. Yes, this is the right time, this is the medication that she needs,” said Annette, Diane’s daughter, describing the comfort Hospice of the Red River Valley gave them.
When the time came to consider hospice care, Harvey knew they wanted Hospice of the Red River Valley. “They need to be involved right from the onset, we need to have them right with us,” said Harvey. “I’m so glad I did because without them, I’m sure we would’ve survived, but not nearly as well because they were there when we needed them.”
One summer day, a CNA came to care for Diane as her daughter Dawn was visiting. The CNA took out a large container of lotion, warmed it in her hands, and began applying it to Diane’s ankles, toes and shins. Dawn thought, “Oh my gosh, my mom would’ve been giggling all over that. She would’ve loved every little second of that. That’s what she would’ve wanted and she didn’t have to say it. That person made that happen for her. That’s what hospice means to me.”
A counselor from Hospice of the Red River Valley once mentioned to Harvey that he was “a lucky man.” Rather intimidated, Harvey couldn’t understand how he was lucky. The counselor’s reasoning is something that still sticks with Harvey. She said, “How many other people get to have their spouse, a beautiful spouse for 63 years?” Now he always reminds himself of how lucky he was to have such a wonderful relationship with such a wonderful person.
Harvey continues to appreciate the support provided by Hospice of the Red River Valley even after Diane’s passing. This included checking in on him and offering help as he and his family navigated their grief. “The most important thing is that I know that it’s there. I can call upon them and I know they will care,” he said.
Harvey now makes it a point to inform others facing similar situations about the services available through hospice care. “We know for sure that Hospice of Red River Valley; they have nurses, they have doctors, they have pastoral care, they have all of those things available, and they’re experts at it,” he said. He only wishes he had known sooner, and that there’s no need to be shy in asking for help.
