Sowing the Seeds of Understanding: Area Farmer Finds Many Ways to Give Back to Hospice

For the better part of the past 60 years, Merlyn has divided his time between physical labor on the dairy farm, bouts of solitude while traveling up and down the corn rows in a tractor, and visits to his cows at least twice a day, every day, on his farm near Waubun, Minn.

Though Merlyn is now semi-retired and has turned the bulk of the physical labor over to his son, he still enjoys moments of solitude and visits, but of a different sort. Four years ago, after meeting Stephanie, a Hospice of the Red River Valley volunteer coordinator, at a meeting of his local Lions Club, Merlyn decided to volunteer his time and services to hospice patients in the Twin Valley, Minn., area. “I want to give something back since I have some free time,” he shared. “I figured it might be interesting, so I got started in it.”

He began visiting with patients, providing companionship and enabling spouses and caregivers to run errands while he stayed with their loved ones.

Merlyn said he’s not too keen on making conversation, but as he reminisces about meeting Hospice patients, one begins to believe otherwise. He recalled one of his first patients, an “old time farmer,” who loved to have Merlyn update him on the farming situation during their visits. “He had a bad heart, so sometimes he’d just say, ‘I’m not doing good today. I can’t talk.’ Well, I’d just sit down with him and say what was going on with combining and how everything was. He was interested in listening. He was a super guy.”

Farming communities tend to be tight-knit, and that has been an asset for Merlyn and his patients. A neighbor who’d been suffering from stomach cancer decided to return home under the care of Hospice, and Merlyn was able to visit him one time before his death. “He was an old neighbor,” Merlyn remembered. “We used to carry on together, and I went over and visited with him. We talked about old times and growing up together.” Merlyn attended the patient’s funeral, and the patient’s family approached him. “They came up and told me that it was the best afternoon ever. The visit had meant so much to him,” Merlyn shared.

After Merlyn began volunteering, he thought it would be important to learn about the stages of end-of-life. “I’ve been with families during the dying process. I’ve seen the last moments,” he said. “I took the initiative to get all the brochures from staff, and I’ve read them two or three times so I know dementia and Alzheimer’s and the last three months and the last two weeks,” he shared. His mother-in-law had dementia, and when family members visited her, Merlyn was able to tell the family what stage she was in and what to expect. That sort of knowledge is invaluable, he believes. “It gives peace of mind about what to expect and makes it less scary.”

Merlyn Olson_tractor — One of Merlyn’s hobbies is hand carving wooden tractors, one of which was raffled to raise funds for Hospice of the Red River Valley.

Aside from the time he spends volunteering for Hospice, Merlyn keeps busy with chores around the farm, he volunteers with 4-H, and, throughout the years, has drawn and painted whenever he has had a chance. “I got quite a few projects going around home,” he shared, laughing. One of his passions is hand-carving miniature tractors from wood. In 2014 Merlyn raffled off two tractors and donated the proceeds to Hospice of the Red River Valley. “That got to be kind of fun,” he said. “We raised $2,195 for Hospice.”

“The tractor raffle was amazing,” Hospice of the Red River Valley Volunteer Coordinator Steph Baker said. “He took the initiative to drive around the countryside selling tickets to benefit our organization. His attitude and spirit are to be commended!”

Merlyn’s generous spirit and work with Hospice was one of the catalysts behind a recent honor he received: he was awarded the Lion of the Year Award from his club in Flom, Minn. While at an annual meeting in Mahnomen, Minn., “All of a sudden my name is called,” he said. “I went up there, and they secretly snuck my whole family in there!” He was surprised and honored to receive the well-deserved award.

Despite everything he has already contributed to Hospice of the Red River Valley, Merlyn continues to volunteer and be a strong advocate in his area for hospice services. He’s given talks on dementia and hospice services to several clubs in the area, and he wants to reach more people: “I might do some more of that and see if I can promote Hospice a little bit,” he said. He’s also working to recruit people he knows to serve as volunteers.

“I have never in my years here met a volunteer so focused on educating the public on hospice care and Alzheimer’s,” Steph said. “He speaks every chance he gets and is always asking for more materials to learn more about our mission. He told me that he always likes to have a ‘project,’ and we are fortunate that his projects include spending time with our patients and spreading the word about Hospice.”

“Hospice volunteering isn’t for everybody,” Merlyn said, “because a lot of people don’t want to get involved with any part of near death. But Hospice is a good organization, and there’s nothing negative about it at all. That’s why I’m here. I do it because I enjoy it.”

Faithfully Devoted: Honoring Wishes Made Simple with Hospice

A quiet soul and one who always thought of everyone else first, Eva had a beautiful smile and a kind, gentle presence. She spent her 90-plus years on this earth dedicated to the service of others, providing compassionate care as a nurse and a helping hand to many, including four of her siblings as they neared the end of life. But as the youngest of nine siblings, Eva was also accustomed to being cared for during most of her life. So as she herself neared the end of life, her closest relatives knew they would want to fulfill as many of her wishes as possible because of her generous, kind-hearted spirit.

“It had been her wish to not spend her last days in a nursing home, and so it was very important for us to do whatever we needed to do to make that happen,” Jessica Shawn, Eva’s great niece said. As one of Eva’s only relatives in the Fargo-Moorhead area, Jessica provided much support for Eva, including running errands and being a local contact for both her medical needs and the assisted living facility where Eva resided. Jessica happily took on this role as Great Aunt Eva was a sister to her own grandmother, whom Jessica was very close to growing up.

In addition to the bond she felt for Eva through her grandmother, Jessica’s mom, who lives in Montana, was Eva’s medical power of attorney, responsible for making Eva’s health care decisions as she neared the end of her life. So Jessica was the local “go-between,” while Jessica’s mom could focus on making sure Eva’s wishes were followed. “Eva and I became good buddies, and she was very easy to be around,” Jessica shared. “Sometimes as people age, they aren’t as easy to be around, and we were blessed that up until her last day, she was a great spirit and just a wonderful person.”

When Eva became ill with heart complications in October 2014, her family made the choice to call Hospice of the Red River Valley for an added layer of support so they could keep Eva in her home where she wanted to be. “What surprised me the most was how quickly everything came together and how there wasn’t a long drawn-out process to get her started on hospice and getting assistance,” Jessica explained. “It just fell into place and started happening right away, which is what we needed. Hours are precious when you are at that point, so to have that help right away and such in-depth and breadth of help was huge for our family.”

Newly pregnant and working two jobs, Jessica welcomed the extra support from Hospice as she knew she couldn’t do everything Eva required on her own. As needs were identified, Hospice took care of them within just a few hours, from supplies, such as a hospital bed and oxygen, to coordination with Eva’s doctors. Hospice also connected the family to an additional home care resource so Eva could have extra attention and support. “They also had great resources for us as a family to read through. In the evenings when I would get there, it was nice to have books and pamphlets there outlining what was going to happen,” Jessica said. “Those resources were really helpful as well.”

Jessica Shawn with Ameila — Jessica with daughter, Amelia

“With all of the different pieces, it would have taken me a lot of time to figure out on my own. I could just focus on spending time with Eva and know that I would receive a call if something happened and they [Hospice staff] would keep me updated,” she said. One special memory that Jessica shared with Eva during this precious time was the announcement of her pregnancy. “I was able to show Eva the first ultrasound, so she was able to know about our baby. I found out later on that she would tell the assisted living facility staff how much she wanted us to have a baby and how much she was hoping for that. To share that moment with her was pretty incredible,” Jessica said with a smile.

The family was especially grateful for two areas of support Hospice provided: communication back and forth with the family and pastoral care. “With my mom being the primary contact, living in Montana, she was really impressed with the constant communication. Hospice was phenomenal about calling and keeping her updated, talking to her about different things. That was huge for her,” Jessica recalled. “It kind of took some of the pressure off me to keep her updated as well. Hospice was there to take care of us. It was a really great experience.”

Deep-rooted in the fabric of her being was Eva’s faith. The faith resources offered through Hospice were greatly appreciated by both Eva and her family. Hospice of the Red River Valley Chaplain Randy visited Eva during her time on hospice care, playing guitar, singing songs and reading Bible verses to her.

“He was actually there when she passed away, too. To have someone of faith there with her when she passed, meant so much to her, really,” Jessica explained. “After she passed, he stayed with us while we were waiting for the nurse and the funeral home to come. It was incredible.”

Randy spoke of the time he had with Eva in her final hours, sharing with Jessica they were discussing Eva’s favorite family picture and stories of her family members. “Then, he was so kind to come to her funeral service. So I got to introduce him to family who came for the funeral and say this was the person who was with Eva when she passed. That was great.”

“Eva’s family spoke with me about how important her faith was to her, and how music was a big part of her spiritual life,” Randy, Hospice of the Red River Valley chaplain, said. “During my first visit with Eva, she told me she had played in the church bell choir in the past couple of years and how much that meant to her. It was a joy for me to visit Eva and sing the hymns that were meaningful to her. It was an honor to do that for her in the last hour of her earthly life.”

Hospice of the Red River Valley only cared for Eva for 10 days before her passing, but the care and compassion the Hospice staff showed Eva left a lasting impression on Jessica and her family.

“They only had a few days to get to know my great aunt, but I felt immediately that they cared for her and our family. They really took time to get to know her, knowing she wasn’t going to be alive for much longer. But Hospice still made that investment in getting to know her and our family. It was incredible,” Jessica said.

“No one calls Hospice because things are going well. You’re getting a call because someone’s loved one is in a critical time or possibly the worst time of their lives. There didn’t seem to be any compassion fatigue [with Hospice]; it was like we were their only client.”

For that, Jessica and her family will forever be grateful. “Hospice can be as much or as little as you want it to be,” Jessica explained. “When we needed extra services, they provided. It’s another resource to help you through a difficult time.”

Harnessing Canine Kindness: Hospice Volunteer Forms Bonds Through Pet Therapy

Gracie joined the Tucker family as a fluffy, little lovable fur ball, one in which could be quite curious if not given proper training and a purposeful duty. So Deb Tucker, Gracie’s owner, set out to make her new Keeshond puppy more than a family pet by enrolling her in pet therapy training through Pet Partners. “My sister-in-law is a social worker for a hospice in the St. Cloud area, and she asked if I’ve ever thought about volunteering with Hospice. That was about the same time we got Gracie. I thought pet therapy would be a great way I could pair with Hospice,” Deb said.

After they obtained certification and connected with Hospice of the Red River Valley Volunteer Coordinator Steph Baker, Deb and Gracie started visiting hospice patients right away. In five years, the pair has been matched with 30 hospice patients—making visits to as many as 11 patients at a time. “I work full-time, but we do what we can, when we can,” Deb shared. “I think both of us have gained so much from it, and Gracie just loves it. “Gracie, do you like to go to work and visit?,” Gracie’s ears perk right up with excitement!

“Deb and Gracie have been an amazing addition to our volunteer team,” Steph said. “The happiness and joy they bring to our patients is a priceless gift, and we are thankful to be able to provide this support to those we care for. Deb is so patient and kind, and who wouldn’t love a visit from adorable Gracie!”

Together, Deb and Gracie see patients wherever they call home, including private residences, nursing homes and assisted living facilities, from Detroit Lakes to Lake Park and Frazee. Prior to each visit, Deb makes sure Gracie is well-groomed by cleaning her eyes, brushing her hair and clipping her nails.

During their very first hospice visit, Deb knew it was kismet. “I was kind of nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. The gentleman was sitting in the common area of the assisted living facility, and when he saw us his face just lit up. He put his hands around Gracie’s face and talked to her. We were there for a long time. He didn’t want us to leave. When we were leaving, he got up and tried to follow us, and he hadn’t moved like that in quite some time. I knew it was meant to be,” Deb explained.

Gracie’s ability to connect with people on the hospice visits has amazed Deb. There was one gentleman in particular who Gracie would not leave his side, even when she was getting too warm. For the most part, he was non-responsive, but as Gracie lay with him, he opened his eyes and began petting her. During another visit with the same patient, the patient’s family was present, and one of his daughters was having a hard time. When the pair arrived, Gracie went right to the daughter because she knew that the daughter in the room needed her most.

The duo also visits a patient who recently had a stroke, and because of that, she can’t use her right side. During a visit, her wheelchair was covered on her left side, so Deb attempted to take Gracie to the right side of the chair. Instinctively, Gracie would not go on the right side because she knew the patient couldn’t pet her there.

“I think sometimes with a pet, we can reach people that otherwise we cannot; Gracie is a natural go-between. And if they don’t want to talk or can’t talk, they can just pet her and feel that soft fur,” she said.

As for Gracie, she loves her role as a Hospice volunteer. “What a better job for a dog than to get attention,” Deb said. “Gracie is not a cuddler, but she does cuddle with people at the end of life.” Volunteering for Hospice of the Red River Valley has provided benefits not only for Gracie, but has also enriched Deb’s life.

“This has been an invaluable experience for me, I tell people it’s taught me a lot more about living and not taking things for granted. I think sometimes patients can say, ‘I’m not feeling good today,’ when sometimes they can’t say that to their families. I get so much satisfaction and joy knowing I am making their end-of-life journeys a little better,” Deb explained. Throughout her involvement with Hospice, she has formed strong friendships and gathered numerous heart-felt stories along the way.

One patient interaction that stands out for Deb is a woman with dementia who loves to sing to Gracie. “With some dementia patients, I can’t bring them out of their dementia world, but Gracie can,” Deb explained. “The patient says, ‘She knows me; she’s a good dog.’” A cherished volunteering moment also came from visits with the same lady. One day the patient was singing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ to Gracie, and Deb decided to join in. “She looked at me with the biggest, brightest smile ever—and we just looked at each other singing,” Deb said. “That was probably the most touching moment I’ve felt. I was tearing up, and she was smiling, and what a difference she made for me that day. It’s not like me to sing out in public, but I thought I would embrace the moment.”

Recently, Deb’s volunteering contributions were recognized by the United Way of Becker County with the United Way Everyday Hero award. And as much as that award meant to her, she’s driven to keep continuing to give back because going into people’s homes and having them sharing their lives with her has been the most rewarding part about volunteering.

Deb also feels compelled to educate and recruit more people to volunteer. “I think almost anyone could be a Hospice volunteer. Hospice is really good about working with your schedule. They need lots of people of different ages to go visit. You can go read, visit and you get to develop great relationships. It’s not just a doom and gloom situation, and you learn so much through the experience,” Deb said. For Gracie, the cuddly snuggles, treats and new leash every time she passes her recertification test are reward enough.

In the Midst of a Life-Changing Event, Hospice Provides Extra Support to Patient

In late January 2015, on an otherwise normal day, Grace faced a life-changing incident: a heart attack. In an instant, Grace’s world turned upside-down, and she and her family were left with many uncertainties. “After the heart attack, things changed. There were many things Mom couldn’t do alone anymore,” Jodi, Grace’s daughter, said. “Losing that independence was hard for her—and us too, seeing her struggling to do some things that were easy for her the week before. The family needed to accept that fact and so did Mom.”

Because the three main arteries of Grace’s heart have 95% or more blockage, Grace’s doctor advised her to maintain minimal day-to-day activity and focus on a calm and peaceful lifestyle moving forward. Without hesitation, both Grace’s heart surgeon and cardiologist suggested it would be best to have hospice be a part of her life after she left the hospital. Initially, Jodi recalls being shocked when her mom’s doctors broached the topic of hospice care. “It took us by surprise, because to all of us, it felt like the end,” she shared. “That was until a Hospice representative talked to us about it, and explained it more thoroughly, and after that we were all comfortable with it. It doesn’t have to be the end. Hospice can be for somebody who has a critical condition and needs extra support and help. It made sense then, and Hospice has been wonderful and very helpful.”

Together, as a family, Grace and her children decided Hospice of the Red River Valley would begin caring for Grace at her home, an assisted living facility in Fargo. “I didn’t know much about Hospice before. But I found out that Hospice really helps you with a lot of things,” Grace said. “When I need something, I just ask. They are very helpful.”

From basic tasks like slipping on her socks and assisting her with dressing, to weekly whirlpool baths and checking her vitals, Grace has found peace in her care through Hospice staff, especially her registered nurse (RN) and certified nursing assistant (CNA). “At first, I didn’t think I wanted help with some things because I thought I needed to have some stuff to do, but now I do. I really do appreciate it [Hospice],” Grace said.

Grace and Jodi — Grace with her daughter Jodi

Jodi has found comfort in the care her mom receives, as well. “Hospice has taken over the brunt of what the staff at the assisted living facility cannot do. If there are things they can’t do at a specific time, Hospice has always been available to help Mom, which is great,” she explained.

She is also pleased with the services Hospice has been able to offer and finds peace of mind in getting a second opinion and comparing notes with Hospice of the Red River Valley Nurse Gayle. “The thoroughness from Gayle is amazing! The time she spends visiting with Mom has been so nice; she’s not just in and out. I don’t even think twice about calling if I have questions.”

“It is a privilege to provide care and support to Grace and her family. Grace has a very positive outlook on life and always has a smile on her face! Her family is very supportive and attentive to her needs,” Gayle said.

“Hospice of the Red River Valley is very caring, supportive and always there when you need them,” Jodi said. Grace echoes her daughter’s sentiments, “I agree with her 100 percent,” Grace said with a smile.

With her needs met, Grace can focus on enjoying life and attending activities and gatherings at the facility, including her personal favorite: bingo. She also delights in regular visits from her family: three other children, in addition to Jodi (Bonnie in Oakes, N.D., and Patty and Johnny in Florida), five grandchildren and five great grandchildren. “It’s so fun to get visitors,” she said.

Shear Gratitude: Volunteer Delights Hospice Patients with Haircuts

Rebecca Wood, hair stylist and owner of a West Fargo salon and spa, has found the perfect way to blend her talents as a stylist with her love of volunteering. For the past year, Rebecca has visited the homes of Hospice of the Red River Valley patients to provide refreshing haircuts, and sometimes even a quick style. “Volunteering has always been a passion of mine. This experience has been nothing but positive, and I leave every single visit feeling like a changed person. It has absolutely changed my life—100 percent,” Rebecca said.

During each visit, Rebecca forms a bond with the hospice patient—and caregiver—while fashioning the perfect haircut for each patient. Because every person is different and the reason for Rebecca’s visit may vary, as well, she always begins by getting to know the patient and establishing rapport. “I start out in front of the patient just talking to them, trying to figure out why I am there to help,” Rebecca shared. “I ask questions like, ‘What is it you’re looking for?’ For some people, they want to feel like themselves again; ‘I used to have my hair like this.’ For other people, it’s more like, ‘This bothers me because my hair is in my eyes.’ Everyone has a little bit different situation. I also always ask, ‘What’s your story? Tell me a little bit about you.’”

Rebecca’s very first patient visit left a lasting impression on her. She says, “I was sold from then on.” At that visit, the hospice patient was so thankful for what some people might take for granted—a simple haircut—without having to worry about how to get to and from a salon. “I remember feeling like I didn’t want to leave. I could just stay there and visit. It was amazing,” Rebecca explained. Before that interaction, Rebecca recalls being a bit nervous, intimidated and thinking what many people think about hospice—that it’s somewhat scary. “I tell people, it’s not a scary thing. It’s not what you would expect; it’s way more positive. I think the biggest misconception of hospice I had was that they are people who are very sad and desperate, in a bad, bad place. And that is not the case at all.”

In Rebecca’s line of work she has many positive experiences with clients, and although those experiences touch her heart, she says they don’t compare to helping someone who is nearing the end of life. “You’re going into a situation where a patient maybe doesn’t feel like him or herself, and you’re able to do something as simple as a haircut and watch them kind of become themselves again. I can’t even articulate how that feels,” Rebecca said with a smile. “An even bigger piece of that is when there is another family member or caregiver involved; it impacts them just as much, if not more, to see their loved one look like him or herself again.”

As Rebecca continues to volunteer with Hospice, she knows she is creating lifelong memories and lessons she can pass along to her two daughters, ages 3 and 7. “I think it’s important that they know I’m not choosing to spend time away from them because I don’t want to be with them, but because I feel like this is important work, and I want to pass that down to them,” Rebecca said. In fact, her oldest daughter came home from school the other day and said, ‘I told my teacher that you volunteer for Hospice, and you give haircuts to people who are really sick. I’m really proud that you’re my mom.’ “To know that she ‘gets it’ and it’s something bigger than us—that makes me feel like it’s just another piece of the puzzle,” Rebecca said. “You can tell your kids, but I believe that actions speak louder than words and to see their mom takes the time to do this, that is important.”

As for the volunteer work, Rebecca says she can remember every single hospice patient in detail. She can recall the moment she walked in the door until she left. “Every single one of them has been impactful. I’ve said many times, if I could volunteer full-time for Hospice and that could be my job, I’d be happy,” she shared. “Volunteering for Hospice has restored my faith in humanity. It has been so rewarding for me, and I’ve met some incredible people and had some unbelievable experiences, and it’s something I don’t ever see myself not doing.”

Area Man Flies Tandem with Hospice of the Red River Valley

Stewart ‘Stew’ Bass’ legacy has taken flight. As a WWII veteran pilot, he was personally involved in sinking the Yamoto, a large Japanese aircraft carrier, which marked a turning point in WWII and earned him a Navy Cross—one of the highest honors the Navy bestows. Through sharing his experiences in aviation, Stew touched many lives in the Fargo-Moorhead community—and beyond—while preserving a piece of history.

“He was living history for WWII, telling people what it was really like,” Kathy, Stew’s daughter, said. “There weren’t many of those people left so historians dogged his heels for the last several years to pick his brain for all these things [related to the war]. He was always very glad to do it, but he was very humble about it.” So humble, indeed, that Kathy recalled he never spoke of his involvement with the war when her and her brother were growing up.

It wasn’t until Stew became involved in the Fargo Air Museum that he really started sharing his knowledge about this valuable piece history. “My involvement in the Air Museum was rather natural when it opened up and got started. I said, ‘Gosh, I’ve got to go over there and see what’s going on,’” Stew described. “So I did and I volunteered immediately, and I’ve been there ever since. They called me the lead volunteer.”

“When he started working for the Air Museum, I think he realized how important those stories could be to others,” Kathy explained. “And then he started talking about his part as a pilot, and people got a hold of this information and started calling from the East Coast, the West Coast, almost everywhere. Pretty soon, he was sharing his stories, which were all new to the family.”

In an industry overwhelmed with acronyms and jargon, at the Fargo Air Museum Stew’s sole purpose was to educate. “Nobody seemed to know what a carrier was so that’s what I’ve been doing, telling them what a carrier is, what an air group is, what a group of planes are and so on. I have given speech after speech,” Stew said. “It makes you feel better when you do something worthwhile. And I had a good time, and I enjoyed doing it.”

As big as his passion for aviation, Stew’s positivity, sense of humor and warm smile were always bigger. “He was always a very positive person,” Kathy described. “Even when I was a little girl, he would say, ‘We can do this. It’ll work. Don’t worry, we can fix it. Let’s give it a try.’ No matter what it was—even if you knew it wouldn’t work.”

So when Stew was faced with hospitalization after hospitalization in late 2014, his declining health, which was largely because of heart and kidney failure, slowed him down and dampened an otherwise vibrant person.

Stew, along with his family, decided it was time for him to move into an assisted living facility in Fergus Falls, where he could be closer to family. Soon after, Stew began receiving care from Hospice of the Red River Valley.

At 93, Stew was used to his independence—and going, going, going all the time. “This was one of the hardest things for him, to have to be cared for. I think the Hospice nurse really helped him accept his diagnosis. Because up until then, he did not believe he was going down. I credit Courtney [Hospice nurse] for having that heart to heart talk with him. He heard her,” Kathy shared. “I think Hospice made a huge difference. It was the best thing to happen. The visits and encouragement were a really important part. They [Hospice staff] were wonderful to him.”

Stew couldn’t have agreed more. “I have a lot of good to say about Hospice. The biggest thing is that they [Hospice staff] always bring lightness and bring things back into focus—how good things really are,” Stew said. “They always get their job done well. They give that feeling of positivity and that everything’s going to be all right. They’re there to take care of you.”

Stew especially appreciated visits from Hospice of the Red River Valley chaplain, Lauryl, as he neared the end of life. Together, they had deep conversations and discussed questions, such as ‘How do you explain death? What is it? What triggers it? What stops it?’ Stew found comfort in the ease of conversation with Lauryl. “She’s easy to talk to,” he explained. “I think she’s really been able to help with some ‘why’ answers.”

“Stew was a person of deep faith and rich life experiences, but he was also a very humble man. While on hospice, he focused on living and spending time with family; he was so proud of them all,” Lauryl shared. “Stew told me he wasn’t afraid of dying, but in the last couple of weeks the ‘waiting’ was a challenge. One day he told me, ‘Dying isn’t what I expected, you have to have patience, and you have to be very honest and straightforward.’ Stew had those qualities; he was the kind of great man whose joy in life, gratitude for family and friends, and humble, honest faith inspired us all.”

Kathy noticed after Stew’s talks with Lauryl, her dad felt better. And, she felt peace of mind knowing a team of Hospice experts were caring for him. “They did a lot to help with his pain. That’s the biggest deal. I knew he was being well cared for and managed, and his pain was under control; they were on top of it. If he needed anything, it was there. I felt a wonderful peace that he was cared for like we would want him to be cared for,” Kathy said.

Having worked in health care as a nurse herself, Kathy knows the significance of a team effort and the importance of being kept informed. “I felt like we were a part of the team, and I felt like I was in the loop of what was going on and that was wonderful. It took the burden off the family. They were always there if he needed something. If I called the nurse, she’d get right back to me. Hospice is very well-rounded, and I think that made a big difference,” Kathy shared.

Kathy’s frequent visits to Stew’s home in Fergus Falls, along with other family members, brightened his days. He said of his daughter with a smile, “That girl is absolutely something else. There’s no daughter in the world that could be any better that what she is. I just love her.”

As the days went by, Stew knew that any day he was surrounded by loved ones or Hospice of the Red River Valley, he was going to be all right. “Hospice has been so good, and I feel like they’re all specialists. When they leave, I feel like, by golly, I can make it another day. I think that’s one of the best things about Hospice, you have the feeling around you that they have a certain job of elevating you, and they really have you in mind and they’re trying their very best.”

Stew passed away peacefully, in his home, on March 23, 2015. It was Hospice of the Red River Valley’s honor to care for Stew—a true hero to so many.

When Irish Eyes are Smiling: Hospice Volunteer Brightens Patients’ Days

Clarice Satrom has always been an outgoing and fun-loving person. Growing up in a tight-knit Irish family, she learned to appreciate music, dancing and laughter. She carried on her family’s traditions as she and her husband Lester raised two daughters and two sons on their farm near Grandin, N.D. Through 48 years of marriage, Clarice and Lester enjoyed many laughs and memories.

A conversation with her husband’s doctor several years ago set Clarice and Lester’s lives on a path they hadn’t anticipated. Lester had previously been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, and Lester’s doctor sat Clarice down for a talk during an appointment. “He said, ‘Why isn’t he on hospice?’ And I said, ‘Well, I thought that wasn’t until the end of your life,’” Clarice explained. “The doctor told me that’s what everybody says, and then he went to the phone and got my husband on hospice care immediately.”

Clarice hadn’t thought about hospice prior to that meeting, but she and Lester were thrilled with the care he received. An early referral to hospice by Lester’s doctor helped him live more fully for the next two years in their home and, later, in the nursing home. “I didn’t realize the full services [offered by Hospice of the Red River Valley],” she said. As Lester’s health continued to decline, Hospice was there for the couple. “The care was just so wonderful. The Hospice staff was always so helpful and nice and polite. They paid so much attention to him.” Lester passed away under the care of Hospice of the Red River Valley in 2008.

“After he died, I just didn’t know what I was going to do with myself,” Clarice said. “I felt all alone, even though I wasn’t.” Her two sons had taken over operations of the family farm, and Clarice kept busy cooking meals and taking care of her home. But she wanted to do something more.

Clarice was asked by a Hospice staff member if she’d be interested in volunteering for the organization. She quickly agreed. “I thought, ‘I’m lonely. I need to go out and do something,’” Clarice shared. “Hospice is wonderful, and I knew I wanted to do it.”

Throughout the past seven years, she has worked with dozens of patients. Clarice believes she’s able to bond with patients quickly because she brings her personality and sense of humor to the work, and she likes to keep things light-hearted. Her enthusiasm for the work—and her friendly, humorous personality—comes across as she recounts stories of her time spent volunteering.

She dresses in costumes and visits with patients on holidays. “Oh boy, do they laugh,” she says as she smiles. “At the nursing home and assisted living home, the people there are just so fun!” She sings and dances with patients when someone agrees to play the piano or guitar. She reads, goes for walks and sits at their bedsides. “Anything they want,” she said.

Each patient is different, of course. Clarice takes time to get to know them as individuals, to figure out “what makes them tick and then I work with that,” she said. She recalled one patient who had trouble speaking because of her illness, which made it difficult to have conversations. Clarice tried a new approach to connect with the patient. “One day I said, “Let’s sing Jesus Loves Me, and she just sang her heart out,” Clarice shared. “She knew all these songs, and she could sing them out, and you could understand her.”

Clarice pours her heart and soul into volunteering with Hospice patients. And giving back means the world to her. “People ask me, ‘How can you do it?’ I can do it because I love it,” she explained. “I love the people. I love to talk to people and especially in a situation like that. They’re all so precious.”

Angels in Disguise: Husband Recalls Wife’s Experience with Hospice

We traveled all over together, her and I,” Gerald ‘Toot’ shared about his late wife, Dee. “All you had to say to her is, ‘Dee, how would you like to … ?,’ and she would say ‘yes’ right away. You wouldn’t even have to finish what you were going to ask. She was willing to go any place, any time, anywhere. She was just so sweet.”

Making cherished memories together—and with loved ones—was always a priority for the happily married couple of more than 25 years. So when Dee was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer in summer of 2012, which had spread throughout her body, Dee knew immediately she wanted to focus on making the most of the precious time she had left with her beloved husband, family and friends.

The couple discussed options for treatment with Dee’s doctor, including surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. “Dee said no to chemo treatments and surgery,” Toot said. “And that was the smartest thing we ever did. She had a good quality of life right up until her end.” A steadfast faith guided Dee throughout her life, and especially as she neared the end of her life. “She said, ‘Whatever the Lord has dealt for me, I’ll accept,’” Toot recalled. Dee received five radiation treatments to help shrink the brain tumor, and she and Toot decided—together—that Dee would begin hospice care so she could remain at home with her husband.

For four months, Toot cared for his wife with the assistance of Hospice of the Red River Valley staff, including a certified nursing assistant, registered nurse, social worker and chaplain. “Once we signed on with Hospice, it was a Godsend,” Toot said. “Hospice was there when you wanted them. They helped me so much; I could never say enough about how much they helped me. They showed me what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to do it. It meant a lot to me because it meant I could have Dee at home with me.”

Meticulous note taking and precise attention to detail helped Toot manage Dee’s daily care routine and provided Hospice staff with insight into daily happenings with Dee. Hospice staff kept the pair well informed, too. “If I had any questions, they answered them, and they even gave me answers to some questions before I asked them. One day I was thinking, there must be some signs of the impending death, and before I got a chance to ask, the nurse came to visit with a little booklet; it was just what I wanted,” Toot explained. “They took care of the medicine and things that we needed right away. One time I called them at 2:30 a.m., and I got someone to come out. Where else do you get that kind of help?”

Being at home, rather than in a hospital, enabled Dee to accomplish many things on her bucket list and create many more moments with her loved ones, including frequent tea parties with her girlfriends, lunch dates, shopping and attending her son’s wedding as the matron of honor. “Dee knew she was going to die, but that didn’t stop her from living. Life gave her lemons, and she made lemonade all the way,” Toot described.

The couple even made a trip to the state’s capitol city to visit Dee’s sister and friends and take a final dip in the Missouri River. “Hospice checked in with us every day when we were in Bismarck just to make sure everything was OK. I thought, wow! I think we had better care at home than what we would’ve had somewhere else, and Hospice made it so that we could stay at home,” Toot said. “They [Hospice staff] treated us with such dignity. They’re saints!”

Cathy and Dee — Dee with Cathy, Hospice of the Red River Valley social worker

Another interaction with Hospice staff that stands out in Toot’s mind is a pointed but gentle conversation Dee’s Hospice of the Red River Valley social worker, Cathy, had with him. “They [Hospice staff] also straighten you out if you screw up,” he explained. “Dee wanted to have a lot of get-togethers with friends, and this was at the time when she was starting to get weaker and weaker. I told Dee that I thought we better stop the visits.” Dee wanted to continue having her regular gatherings with her friends, and she shared that with Cathy. “Cathy came to our house after that conversation and asked me about it. Cathy said it wasn’t my decision—that it was Dee’s decision. And she should continue having them. Cathy did such a terrific job.”

“As family members we want what’s best for our loved ones and we try to protect them, conserve their energy and do things for them,” Cathy shared. “The reality is that our patients want to ‘live’ what time they have left, and they know their limitations better than we do. The greatest gift we can give them is to help them live.”

Dee passed away peacefully at home on Nov. 7, 2012, surrounded by those who loved her most. And since then, Toot has found a new kind of support through Hospice: one-on-one visits with Bereavement Manager, Wendy, and ongoing grief support groups. “There have been some times when I felt down when I came in for grief support, but boy, when I’ve left, I have felt like a new person! Your facilitators are so great,” Toot said.

“The death of a spouse is known to be one of life’s most stressful events bringing about feelings of loss and loneliness,” Wendy shared. “Toot is a joy to have in support group sessions. He often offers a word of encouragement to new attendees with the constant message of there is no time frame for grief, and everyone grieves in a different way. He has worked hard on his grief journey and openly expresses how losing Dee has changed his life, while also embracing his treasured memories of her.”

“Dee always said, ‘I am so lucky to have these angels on Earth taking care of me,’” Toot shared. “She was talking about the Hospice staff. She loved the people at Hospice dearly. You can’t put Hospice into one word or sentence. They will help you to the end, and they helped me as much as my wife.”

Watch a video featuring Toot and photos of Dee.

Comfort and Care When We Needed it Most: My Hospice Story

by Diane Samuelson

Hospice is comfort. Hospice is support on a very long and sometimes very lonely journey.

My Dad was terrified of dying and wanted to be at home. He was born in 1908, and grew up during a time when nursing homes and hospitals were very different than the facilities of today. He [dad] got sick in the spring of 1984. When his doctor told him the cancer had spread and very little was left to be done, he made my mother promise that he would never have to go back to the hospital or move to the nursing home. She promised.

As the days passed, she became worried about the reality of caring for him as his needs increased. A family friend told her about something called “hospice.” None of us had any idea what that meant, but Mom called and before long Hospice of the Red River Valley became part of our family. Over the next months, staff members, both volunteer and paid, helped us take care of Dad. They [hospice] just made everything easy. They had people come and help her with cares and pain and support for my mom. And it was very strange. They never overwhelmed everyone. They were just there. At the end of May, as Mom was singing a lullabye, he took his last, peaceful breath. He was in his bedroom at home. The year was 1985.

In 2003, Mom started failing and we knew time was short. When my mom got sick, my sister said, “Well, I hope you don’t mind but I called hospice this morning. And it was like, [sigh] yeah, that’s what we need. My sister made a phone call, and once again Hospice of the Red River Valley became a part of our family. The faces and names had changed over the years, but the care and support given to Mom and our family was just as remarkable and a blessing. After a few months of care, Mom died comfortably with family at her bedside.

When people call hospice or hear of hospice they think it’s going to be stressful and there’s going to be pain and they’re going to come in and tell me what to do and they’re going to take over. [shakes head no] They’re just a calming presence. They understood. They didn’t judge or try to change anything. I think that was the biggest part. It was like having a good friend that you could lean on. They’re just there. It was almost as if they could anticipate any questions we had, any concerns, any fears, anything, and they knew what to do. And, it wasn’t just my parents who received the care. It was me, it was my sister, all of us.

To this day, I can’t explain the pull I felt then (and still feel) toward Hospice. For all Hospice has given to me and my family, I would have scrubbed the floors for them if that was the only way I could give back. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to scrub floors; I started volunteering in late summer of 2003, and was lucky enough to be hired in 2006.

Hospice has given so much to my family, and I agree with Hospice of the Red River Valley’s philosophy that anyone who wants and needs hospice care should have it available to them. What this organization has done for me and my family is just beyond words. For these reasons, I donate to Hospice of the Red River Valley. Please join me.

Embracing the Final Journey: Hospice Helps Husband Care for Wife with Alzheimer’s

“I will take care of you as long as I can,” Bill explained to his wife, Judy, in May 2008 after leaving the doctor’s office. Judy had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. “That was the only time she questioned what would happen to her when she didn’t know anyone anymore,” he said. “She never asked again after I promised her I would do my best.”

For more than six years, Bill has done just that—providing loving care to his wife of 51 years. Throughout their long and happy marriage, the couple has spent little time apart and has always relied on each other, no matter what. The life they’ve forged together is one filled with love and countless adventures, including a visit to every national park, building their own home, moves to multiple states and raising two children, a son and daughter. Bill and Judy have chartered the course with an unwavering faith, which they relied on when working side by side as co-administrators at a Christian camp near Medina, N.D., for 17 years. The pair has also found great joy as sports enthusiasts with their favorite team, the Green Bay Packers, hailing from their home state of Wisconsin.

With the life Bill and Judy built together, it was a never a question for Bill regarding if he would care for Judy after her life-changing diagnosis. Along this final journey, Bill and Judy have encountered many challenges, but Bill’s positivity and sense of humor have helped the pair navigate through each day. “I found out that in order to go through this, I needed to have a sense of humor,” Bill explained. “She’s done things because of her illness and instead of getting upset about it, I have laughed about it, and in turn, even made Judy laugh too. Certain situations have turned into a good thing instead of bad. I have had to understand that there is no right or wrong way to be a caregiver. I just need to do the best I can.”

Just as approaching each new day with positivity has helped, so has the assistance of Hospice of the Red River Valley. After caring for Judy by himself for five years, Bill looked into hospice care for extra support after a recommendation by Judy’s doctor.

“I didn’t think Hospice would be able to help since I thought she hadn’t progressed far enough. But we met with Hospice that same day, and they were able to start helping right away,” Bill said. “Hospice has helped me out tremendously. It’s been a lot of help because as her condition worsens, it’s gotten harder to move her around, and it’s taken a lot of burden off of me.”

Hospice staff, including a certified nursing assistant (CNA), registered nurse (RN) social worker and chaplain, make frequent visits and help with everything from personal cares for Judy and medications assistance to respite care coordination.

Hospice of the Red River Valley RN Kelcie works with Judy weekly and praises Bill for caring so well for his wife and taking advantage of the full array of Hospice services. “He does a wonderful job taking care of Judy,” Kelcie said. “He has really embraced all that hospice has to offer, such as monthly respite, weekly volunteer services so he can go grocery shopping and CNA services three times a week. Recently I have also started bringing him resources and books from the Hospice library, which he has really enjoyed. His acceptance of extra support has helped him be the best caregiver for Judy.”

“I didn’t realize everything they provided. I just thought it was more of a final thing—like in the last few weeks of someone’s life,” Bill shared. “Come to find out, they have been able to take care of her for a long time as her illness continues to progress. I know Hospice will be there to help. It’s meant a lot to me, and we really appreciate it.”

Bill is especially thankful for the monthly respite services that Robyn, Hospice of the Red River Valley social worker, coordinates, which allow him to take care of his own appointments and have a few days to recharge so he can continue taking care of Judy. Five days of every month, Judy receives respite care at a local skilled nursing facility. “We’ve been doing that for some time now, and that gives me a chance to get some things done too,” Bill said.

Being able to schedule respite services in advance have even allowed Bill to attend a movie, baseball game or ride his bike every now and then. Caregiver burn out is something many caregivers face, so scheduling a monthly break for Bill to get his owns needs met is a part of the hospice plan of care. I’m glad he is taking care of himself too because that’s important,” Robyn said.

“The end of our days, when we are dying, are just as precious as those first days as a newborn. As for my staying true to my commitment to take care of my wife from the beginning to the end of her journey with Alzheimer’s, well, it has been easy for me to take care of Judy because I can still see the Judy I met on New Year’s Eve in 1958, the person I fell in love with, married and spent 50-plus years with. It has been a joy, and Judy is the real hero of this story.”

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