Remembering Debbie

Debbie Gabel Memorial Cancer RideEach July, area motorcycle riders, supporters and community members join together in Valley City, N.D., for the annual Debbie Gabel Memorial Motorcycle Run. Event founder Rocky Gabel, who owns Gabel Masonry Construction in Valley City, said the motivation for the event is three-fold: to memorialize his wife, Debbie, to educate people about the dangers of cancer and to help people locally.

After Rocky lost his wife of 33 years, Debbie, to ovarian cancer in early 2009, he became determined to channel his grief into helping others – and to preserving Debbie’s name and legacy in their community.

Rocky and Debbie had not been long-time motorcycle riders. “In fact, it wasn’t until Debbie read an article suggesting, ‘Everyone should go to Sturgis at least one time in their lives,’ that we even considered it,” Rocky says. The Gabels made the trip to Sturgis, S.D., for the legendary bike rally in 2006, and it wasn’t long afterward that they each purchased a motorcycle and began riding.

Only a year earlier, Debbie had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. As Debbie grew weaker from the disease toward the end of her battle, she often rode double with Rocky instead of on her own bike, but still they rode. In December of 2008, after undergoing three years of aggressive treatment, the Gabels received the devastating news that Debbie’s prognosis was limited. She spent her last weeks at home, cared for by Rocky until the very end, with the support of Hospice of the Red River Valley. Debbie Gabel passed away January 9, 2009, at the age of 52.

After her death, Rocky struggled with how to remember his wife in a way that impacted people in a meaningful and memorable way. “I wanted to increase awareness of ovarian and other reproductive cancers and educate people about early detection, in a way that honored and remembered Debbie,” he says. “A motorcycle run seemed like the perfect fit.” The first Debbie Gabel Memorial Motorcycle Run was held in July 2009. More than 50 bikers participated.

Rocky chose Hospice of the Red River Valley as a primary recipient of event proceeds. He chose Hospice not only because of the vital support and care they provided for him and his wife, but also because he knew the dollars would be invested locally in caring for others.

Following the 2009 event, Rocky formed a non-profit organization, Thundering Saints, which helped to make the 2010 event even more impactful. More than 150 riders participated.

Supper at the VFW, a silent auction and a street dance round out the event’s festivities each year. A highlight in recent years has been the raffle drawing, with the winner taking home a new Harley Davidson Heritage as the top prize.

Thanks to the growing number of participants each year, Rocky is confident the event will continue to honor Debbie well into the future.

Returning the Blessing

“Please take me home with you tonight.”

These were Doris Radcliffe’s words to her husband, Bob, as he visited her in the hospital one evening. As he left for the 45-mile drive home to their farm, those words resonated in his mind.

“I knew in my heart how deeply she really wanted to go home,” Bob says.

The probability of Doris’ recovery was minimal; she was dependent on a feeding tube because it was hard for her to swallow, and she was on oxygen most of the time. In addition, she was not able to walk on her own. The hospital staff did what they could, but Bob and the rest of her family knew she needed to be home.

For Doris, being home meant comfort, such as the privacy of using one’s own bathroom. But is also meant being able to experience simple joys, such as looking out the windows over her kitchen sink where she could watch the happenings on the farm. It meant being near her beloved sewing table—the one where she had spent countless hours lovingly crafting so many dresses for herself and three daughters. At home, Doris could spend time in her garden, enjoying the busy bird feeder.

As dear as these things were, it was love and nearness of family and friends that made being home so special. With the support of Hospice of the Red River Valley, Bob was able to bring Doris home.

Each of their three daughters shared her time and talents to make their mother’s final months as comfortable and meaningful as possible. Vikki made all of Mom’s favorite foods. Liz and her mother crafted together. As a nurse, Roberta helped plan her mother’s care and medication needs.

“All of this was possible with the incredible help we received from the Hospice team. Each one of them was such an angel; 12 years later, they are still very precious to me,” says Bob.

There were some “not so good” days, but there were days made wonderful by the nearness and the love of family, plus the support of Hospice. On February 26, 1999, Doris died peacefully with her family at her side.

Because of the care and support Bob and his family received, he gives back to Hospice of the Red River Valley, both with his time as a volunteer, and with financial support as a donor.

“I know it’s exhausting to care for a dying loved one,” Bob says, “but with the support of Hospice, it can also be a blessing. I hope others will be inspired by our story and join me in supporting the future of Hospice of the Red River Valley so others may also be blessed with this care.”

Finding Herself Again

“Hospice allows for a calmer transition, and made Dick as comfortable as possible. It would have been a lot harder without them, and I don’t know where I’d be.”

Ina Lyon is fiercely independent. A self-proclaimed jack-of-all-trades, master of none, Ina can accomplish just about anything. “If it needs to be done, I’ll figure out a way to do it!” she is known to say.

Just as remarkable as Ina’s independence is her generosity. In 2012, Ina gave Hospice of the Red River Valley a $5,000 challenge gift, which will be used to match Gifts of Light (gifts of $500 or more) Hospice receives from other donors.

Ina’s story of personal grief and loss compels her to give a donation each year to ensure people continue to have care options and grief resources at the end-of-life. She understands, first-hand, the devastation grief can cause, and how Hospice can help.

Growing up in Berlin, Germany, in the 1940s, Ina’s self-reliance developed out of necessity. She believes her natural ability to solve problems and find solutions are two of the reasons why her husband of 40 years, Dick, fell in love with her. When Dick passed away in 2008 after battling pancreatic cancer, she summoned the same resolve that had always steered her through life’s other challenges.

“When my husband died, I felt like a total, helpless individual. I thought, ‘This is how it is. Now cope.’ However, it didn’t work. I had always loved driving, but suddenly I was afraid. I remember thinking, whom will I call if I need help?” As a way to cope, Ina suppressed her emotions.

“I considered myself very lucky. I know some women who rely on their husbands entirely to handle the household finances, car repairs, house maintenance. Then, when their husbands die, they have to learn how to do everything, in addition to cope with their grief. I am not one of those women,” explains Ina. “I’ve always handled bills and finances. I can fix a car, or at least diagnose the car’s problem. I can figure out any challenge with enough research and time.”

Ina thought she could handle the grief on her own. Yet, she still struggled. She went through the motions of daily life, but found the second year after Dick’s death even harder than the first.

“I just didn’t want to do anything, so I knew I was in trouble. Hospice did a wonderful job caring for Dick in his final weeks at home, and I knew Hospice provided grief counseling for a year after he passed away, but I hadn’t taken advantage of it.”

Despite Ina’s determination, she understood her limits and eventually sought help. She took a chance and called Hospice. “I was surprised and so grateful that Hospice was still willing to help me.”

With the help of a Hospice bereavement specialist, Ina worked through her grief. She credits the bereavement specialist for doing a lot of listening, and asking the right questions. “I lost myself for awhile. It’s still a process to find myself without Dick, to make a new life. When you lose a part of yourself, your brain doesn’t function. You don’t know what to do with yourself. I never know when or how grief will hit. I will never get over that man. Hospice understands this. It’s a wonderful gift when someone else just gets it.”

Reflecting on her experiences, Ina has experienced the full spectrum of services Hospice offers. “If it wasn’t for hospice, there wouldn’t be any options but to die in a hospital or at home in pain. Hospice allows for a calmer transition, and made Dick as comfortable as possible. It would have been a lot harder without them, and I don’t know where I’d be.”

“Just like they were there for Dick, Hospice was there for me. Sometimes, just knowing someone understands is the best gift. My financial gift to Hospice helps ensure this organization continues to provide services long into the future.”

Pearl Uhlir

“We had all those wonderful people helping us…we had all that wonderful care.”

Pearl Uhlir works alongside her fellow quilters, the Zion Quilters group, at Zion Lutheran’s Fellowship Hall. From an outsider’s perspective, the hours she spends crouched down threading yarn through their latest creation may appear tedious and uncomfortable. However, Pearl doesn’t see it that way. She is proud; proud of the beautiful quilts she crafts with the women who have become her friends, and even more proud of the impact these quilts have made in her community. With a beaming smile on her face, Pearl shares that their group donated 152 quilts last year, many of which went to Hospice of the Red River Valley patients. The group treasures hearing how their quilts are received like warm hugs.

Labor of Love

They chose Hospice of the Red River Valley upon Pearl’s recommendation. She had experienced Hospice’s compassionate care first hand when her husband LeRoy was in his final stages of cancer. Her quilting is a labor of love – a fitting tribute to her dear husband and friend who valued the care he received from Hospice so much that he requested his memorial donations be given to continue their important work.

Thoughts of LeRoy are often close by as she quilts. Pearl remembers his happy spirit, their years together and how hard he fought his battle against cancer.

The Battle

Diagnosed in December of 2006, LeRoy did everything in his power to fight the disease while still living life to its fullest. He sought aggressive chemotherapy treatments at Innovis Health and consulted with the Mayo Clinic. Yet, he also took time to really appreciate Pearl, even hosting a surprise party for her while he was in and out of the hospital with his cancer treatments. His strength and courage never ceased to amaze her.

In the spring of 2009, they were on vacation in Texas, when Pearl began to see changes in LeRoy. She noticed he was getting more and more tired. So with LeRoy’s permission she bumped up his appointment with Dr. Henke, his primary physician, upon their return to Minnesota. The report from Dr. Henke was not good, LeRoy’s tumors were growing. Upon hearing the news, LeRoy made a definitive decision, he was done fighting, “I am so sick and tired of all this. I am not going back to the hospital.” Hospice was called that morning and was there to help by the afternoon.

Wonderful People, Wonderful Care

From practical solutions to thoughtful acts, the Hospice team supported LeRoy and Pearl through this time. DeAnn, his Hospice nurse, focused on making sure he was comfortable; from managing his medication to solving his annoying hiccup issues. Michelle, his Hospice social worker, kindly stepped in offering solutions when she saw how exhausted Pearl was becoming from the constant caregiving. Dick, their neighbor, who also happened to be a Hospice volunteer, was a huge support telling Pearl, “If you need a break, call me and I will come.” He not only gave Pearl a reprieve, but also provided practical help, like building LeRoy a portable step to help him climb into his bed. These simple things made all the difference, “We had all those wonderful people helping us…we had all that wonderful care.”

Today, Pearl honors LeRoy by continuing his memorial donations through her work with the Zion Quilters. That is why she proudly shows up each week, crouched down, threading the yarn, doing her part to build the next quilt for a cause.

Gail “Sunny” Prudhomme

 “Hospice took care of my dad in 1999. They saved me. I was able to keep working four hours a day while caring for my dad. After that experience, I wanted to donate something but was putting two kids through college at the time and decided to donate in another way. That was in 2000, and I have learned so much and met so many wonderful people since.”
– Gail “Sunny” Prudhomme

 

One of the goals Hospice employees and volunteers strive to accomplish is helping patients find closure at the end of their life’s journey. Hospice volunteer Sunny Prudhomme was able to make that happen for her patient, Louise. Here is their amazing story:

Louise knew little to nothing about her birth, other than she was born in an unwed mother home. Now facing the end of life her desire to learn something about her birth grew stronger and was the closure she was looking for. Yet, there were many obstacles to finding this information including the lack of records kept at that time as well as a fire at the capitol building where the papers were likely stored.

Call it fate, luck or divine intervention, Hospice matched Louise up with volunteer Sunny. Sunny happens to work at an agency that handles adoptions so she knows a lot about birth records. The first day Sunny and Louise met they hit if off. Sunny explains it this way, “It was an instant connection.”

During their visits, Louise shared her history with Sunny, who soon recognized how important it was for Louise to learn more about her birth. So, with Louise’s permission, she began doing some digging. Sunny knew all about how to use the internet for public searches and had local contacts that were able to assist with her search.

Before long, she had discovered the information Louise was looking for about her birth. The day she delivered the information to Louise was emotional for both of them. Louise not only found the information she had been looking for but had discovered a wonderful new friend in the process as well.

At Hospice of the Red River Valley, we are fortunate to have many dedicated volunteers. We celebrate their contributions to the organization. Click to find out more information about our volunteer program and how to apply.

Nanda Gross

At Hospice of the Red River Valley, we are fortunate to have many dedicated volunteers. We celebrate their contributions to the organization. Click to find out more information about our volunteer program and how to apply.

Judy Dragseth

“Volunteering is good for the soul.” – Judy Dragseth

Judy Dragseth remembers the day her mother was discharged from the hospital with a terminal diagnosis; she distinctly recalls her mother’s fear at the thought of having to return. Although Judy couldn’t give her mother the hope of a cure that day, she was able to give her peace of mind in knowing she would be cared for in her own home. Judy and her sister fulfilled their promise to their mother and she died peacefully in her own home long before hospice care was available. So in 1980, when hospice care was just getting started in Judy’s hometown of Crookston, Minn., she was the first one to raise her hand and offer support. Thirty years later, Judy still served hospice patients and their families as a volunteer; “It was the one good thing that came out of my mother’s death.”

Now retired from volunteering, Judy recalls learning a lot about being a hospice volunteer from her patients. The lessons began on one of her first visits. The family had suggested she read to the patient. Judy fondly recalls how eager she was to help so as she put it, “I was really getting into it,” when the patient gently stopped her and asked, “Can we just be quiet for awhile?” Judy honored her request and took note. Lesson number one: “It’s okay to be quiet.”

The next lesson was also a humbling one. The request came for a patient that needed assistance with light housekeeping. This request made Judy pause because she has very strong feelings about that particular chore. “I hate to clean.” In the end, she set her feelings aside and agreed to a weekly cleaning schedule. In doing so, Judy came to the conclusion that volunteering stretches a person to do things they may not otherwise do, wherein valuable lesson number two lie: “Volunteering is good for the soul.”

During another visit with a patient, Judy rediscovered the most valuable lesson she learned along the way. She had brought along a book to the visit because the patient’s illness had progressed to the point where he was sleeping most of the time. However, when Judy arrived, the patient was alert and ready to talk. They shared stories about their mutual acquaintances and Judy brought him up to date about the happenings in their community. A little while into their conversation, she asked him if he needed to rest, he politely declined and asked if she would stay to continue their discussion. Four hours later, Judy left knowing she gave that dear gentleman a gift. Lesson number three: “The most important thing I can do is bring the outside in.”

After all those years and patients served, Judy learned countless lessons and made innumerable cherished memories in her journey as a hospice volunteer.

At Hospice of the Red River Valley, we are fortunate to have many dedicated volunteers. We celebrate their contributions to the organization. Click to find out more information about our volunteer program and how to apply.