For most people, calling Hospice to care for a loved one is a decision fraught with emotion. For Loretta Olson, it was a decision she faced twice in one year.

Loretta describes her father, Herman, as a determined and independent man. When he received a cancer diagnosis, it was understandably devastating. As his health deteriorated, Herman understood he could no longer stay on his farm alone, and agreed to move in with Loretta.

“I told him I wasn’t a nurse, and I knew we needed additional help. That is the main reason we decided to call Hospice.”

Soon after making the call, Loretta found herself sitting around the table discussing end-of-life care with her father and a Hospice staff member. “Although I had asked my father some questions about his wishes for care at the end of life, the representative from Hospice knew all the right questions to ask,” Loretta shares.  “She got all of my father’s answers in writing.”  For Loretta, it was reassuring to have her father making his care decisions and signing his name to the documents.

Loretta remembers the comfort her father found in the special care he received. She recalls her father talking on the phone with friends, asking if they had a nurse or a hospital bed, because he did.

“‘I got ‘er made,’ Dad would say,” recalls Loretta, “He never complained.”

Loretta remembers how the Hospice nurses bonded with her dad, even taking special care to talk slowly and loudly because he was hard of hearing. It was comforting to have them care for her father.

Prior to her father’s experience, Loretta admits she did not know very much about the depth of services provided by Hospice. “They do so many things you may not think of,” Loretta says. “It’s just unbelievable. I can’t say enough good things about it. They treat people with such decency.”Loretta was grateful for the chance to care for her father in her home. However, as her father’s condition declined, the family decided her father’s around-the-clock personal care needs necessitated a move into a nursing home.

“So many people I speak with don’t realize Hospice provides care in a nursing home or other facility,” says Loretta. “With my father, Hospice was there for us in both settings in equally important ways. I was so glad to have a seamless transition between the care he received at home and the care he received in the facility.” After six weeks in the nursing home, Herman passed away in September of 2010 at the age of 89.

Just as the anniversary of her father’s death approached, Loretta and her family faced another tragedy; her mother, Donna, was diagnosed with cancer in August of 2011. Soon, doctors told her the disease was at an incurable stage. This time, Loretta had no hesitation about calling Hospice.

“At the time we called Hospice, Mom was in the hospital in Fargo,” explains Loretta. “Just as they had been there for Dad in both the home and nursing facility setting, they were there to care for Mom in the hospital.” Donna spent the following month in and out of the hospital, but, as Loretta recalls, “Hospice was there every step of the way.” Eventually, Donna was able to leave the hospital and enter a nursing home under the care of Hospice. She died in September at age 80.

Besides helping her parents in those last few months of life, Loretta was also impressed with the services Hospice of the Red River Valley provided for the family. In addition to one-on-one education from the Hospice staff, the family received a handbook explaining the different occurrences during the last stages of life. “They have it down,” Loretta says, impressed by how Hospice communicated what her parents would experience until they took their final breaths. They also prepared the family for life after their loved one’s deaths by providing grief support and resources. Her granddaughters even participated in a special bereavement program for children.

Reflecting on her family’s experiences, Loretta now finds herself educating others about the care Hospice provides in so many different settings—the home, the hospital or the nursing home/assisted living facility. “I tell everyone—don’t hesitate, just make the call. Hospice is there to help.”

When Lori, the hospice nurse, came on the first day Phil and Karen thought she was pleasant. By the time she left that day, they thought she was pretty. When it was all over, they thought she was beautiful, with an inner radiance.

Fear of the unknown – who hasn’t felt wary when facing a road filled with uncertainty? Phil Hanson traveled this road after being diagnosed with lung cancer. Although Phil didn’t know what lay ahead, he instinctively knew that his disease was terminal. Yet he pursued trial treatments, not because he felt confident in a cure, but rather because he knew his results may someday help someone else.

There came a point during these trials when Phil stopped and asked the critical question, “Shouldn’t I be on hospice care?” His doctor agreed and Hospice of the Red River Valley was called to his seasonal home on Cotton Lake, where he and his wife Karyn lived during the summer months.

A Guide for the Road Ahead

Lori was assigned as Phil’s hospice nurse. Karyn describes her this way, “When Lori came on the first day we thought she was pleasant. By the time she left that day, we thought she was pretty. When it was all over, we thought she was beautiful, with an inner radiance.”

Lori and Phil bonded right away. Karyn says, “Phil loved Lori because she offered him exceptional care and respected his dignity.” Lori had earned both Phil and Karyn’s trust.

Before one of Lori’s visits Karyn noticed that Phil wasn’t himself. She asked what was bothering him and he said there was something he really wanted to know – he wanted to know exactly how he was going to die. Karyn also wanted to know, so when Lori arrived, she asked the all important question.

Lori responded honestly and gently. She described the dying process step-by-step. When she was done, both Karyn and Phil were at peace. According to Karyn, this was one of the most valuable things Lori did for them. “You aren’t frightened when you know the signs.”

Phil’s condition progressed just as Lori described it. Karyn and Phil were now prepared for what was ahead, and were able to shift their attention to the work Phil had left to do.

Important Work Remains

The most pressing issue was moving. Their current lake cabin wasn’t winterized, and winter wouldn’t wait. So, “by the grace of God,” they found a new lake home that was perfect for them. As soon as they moved in, Phil asked Karyn to get the house decorated; he wanted to see it with her personal touch. Although decorating wasn’t high on Karyn’s priority list, she enlisted their daughter’s help and got to it. Once complete, Phil felt content in their new home.

Next was the car. Phil felt it was time. He wanted to ensure they buy one that would be safe and reliable for years to come. So, off to the dealership they went. Phil took a ride in the new car and then proceeded to educate Karyn on the inner workings of the vehicle. Karyn smiles when thinking back on this memory. Even though she wanted to tell Phil that she was fully capable of reading the car manual, she understood this was something Phil needed to do for her.

With home and car settled, Phil’s next goal was to spend as much time as possible connecting with his friends and family. Friendships were very important to Phil, so they made arrangements to share a meal with a different friend each day. Karyn cheerfully explains that she gained a lot of weight that summer… but she appreciated that Lori helped to keep Phil comfortable enough to enjoy these special meals.

A Peaceful Passing

In his final days, Phil was very reflective of his life. He was convinced he had lived the best life possible. Phil peacefully passed away in his own home, following a wonderful steak dinner on his patio the night before. He was surrounded by friends and loved ones. His disease progressed exactly as Lori had described it. He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t in pain. He was at peace. Phil’s life was in order and his wishes were fulfilled.

Several months following her death, Sheri is deeply missed, but neither of her children, Zach and Rachael, feels a moment of remorse or regret about how she passed away.

Zach greets his sister Rachael with a big hug. They have just arrived at Oak Crossing, the nursing home in Detroit Lakes where their 53-year-old mother, Sheri, worked and eventually lived during the last few months of her life.

It’s been six months since their mother passed away from brain cancer, and these young adults have taken a break from their jobs, their families and dealing with their mother’s affairs to share her end-of-life story.

The story of Sheri’s illness began over 20 years ago. Zach was a second grader and Rachael was only 5. Sheri was experiencing terrible headaches and discovered the cause was an inoperable brain tumor. She began her fight against cancer immediately.

Zach describes her treatments as “prayer and radiation therapy”. Sheri prayed that she would be allowed to live and raise her children, asking God to just let her get them through high school.

Sheri survived the cancer and a divorce from her high-school sweetheart. As a cancer-free, single mother, she carved a new path for her life and got a job at Oak Crossing, first as a certified nursing assistant to get her through nursing school, and then as a nurse after completing her degree.

Most importantly, she treasured this time with her family, offering forgiveness, kindness and love to everyone who touched her life. She would smile at complete strangers just to brighten their day. Her children remained the light of her life. Zach remembers how a look of sheer happiness would cross her face when either he or Rachael would walk in the room.

Twenty years after her first battle, the headaches returned. This time, the news from Mayo was promising. The tumor was operable, and surgery was scheduled in Fargo. Sheri insisted it be in Fargo, closer to her family so they wouldn’t have to travel to visit her.

During the surgery, the doctors discovered the cancer was deep within the brain tissue. Although the tumor was removed, her cancer remained.

Sheri bravely battled cancer again, but as Zach and Rachael say, “she knew.” Her illness caused peripheral vision loss and lapses in short-term memory, which her 3-year-old grandson would brush off as “Grandma being silly.”

Through it all, Zach and Rachael did everything they could to support her. Rachael and her fiancé moved in with Sheri to help. Even though her health was failing and she had to quit her job, Sheri kept her spirits up, often joking and lifting others’ spirits up as well.

Rachael smiles when she tells about her mom saying that she messed up when she made her deal with God. She should have asked to stick around to watch her grandchildren grow up, not just her children.

Eventually Sheri went back to Oak Crossing—but not as a nurse. This time, she was a patient. She was given the “Circle of Life” room, a larger room that would allow for all of her visitors to be comfortable. It was here, with the loving support of her family, her Oak Crossing colleagues and her Hospice team that she spent the remainder of her days.

Her family spent this time visiting, sharing memories and simply enjoying her company. Her Oak Crossing colleagues spoiled her and provided her with the daily cares she needed, while her Hospice team ensured she was comfortable until the end.

Zach and Rachael describe the care she received from both Oak Crossing and Hospice as a gift. To know their mom had such special and loving care eased their burden. Sheri is deeply missed today, several months following her death, but neither Zach nor Rachael feels a moment of remorse or regret about how she passed away. Rather than feel sorry for themselves, they both simply appreciate the time they had with her.

As they leave the nursing home, Zach and Rachael embrace, their love and respect for each other is visible in their words and actions as they part. Zach asks Rachael, “Do you want to go clean out Mom’s kitchen tonight?” Rachael responds, “Do you?” Zach replies, “No.” They smile at each other, decide to do it later in the week, and then head off to spend time with their families.

They aren’t bitter about the extra burden they have been given; they are simply responsible, beautiful people following in their mother’s footsteps. What a rich and lasting legacy for a mom to leave her children.

“Sometimes the right choices come after a nudge from someone on the outside looking in.”

Don may no longer be king of the road, but with Hospice of the Red River Valley and Home Sweet Home, he feels like he is “king for the day, everyday.”

After driving truck nearly two million miles over the course of 17 years, Don Brantner was king of the open road. He loved what he did, and took pleasure in meeting – and lending a hand to – the new friends he met along the way. So much so that after his daughters were married and had families of their own, Don would often volunteer to drive on the holidays, making it possible for other drivers to be home with their families. Some of his most treasured memories happened during these holidays on the road.

Don was “shooting the bull with some guys” at a truck stop in Black River Falls, Wisconsin, when he heard someone gasping. He looked over to find the man at the next table choking. Don had first-aid training and knew exactly what to do. “First, I said a little prayer; dear God, give me all the strength you can give me,” Don says. “Then, I got up and went behind the man…I should have stood him up, but there just wasn’t time. Instead, I kneeled behind him and started doing the Heimlich maneuver.”

As he shares his story, Don’s hands form a fist to illustrate his actions that day, “It took three good, hard pulls…I used all my strength, but I saved him.” Don gets emotional as he recalls the impact he made that day. He takes a moment to compose himself and then continues. “I never did get his name…I wish I would have gotten his name.”

Christmas Day

At another truck stop, this time in Gary, Indiana, a young man approached Don and asked if he had a couple of bucks for coffee and sandwich. Don took one look at the man and could tell it had been too long since he had a good meal so he dug out some cash and answered him, “Nope, but I do have 20 bucks for a big breakfast.”

The young man was so grateful that he broke down in tears. Twenty minutes later, Don saw that same young man sitting at the truck stop café with a plate heaping full of food.

Christmas Evening

Driving through Montana, another young man was looking for help. This time, the plea comes across Don’s CB radio. The man, or “kid” as Don calls him, was in Montana and looking for a ride to Olympia, Washington, where his mother was having surgery the next morning. Don radioed back “Hey bud, I got a ride to North Bend, Washington for you. That will get ya’ close.” The kid gladly accepted, so Don made a short detour to pick him up at a nearby gas station. Don appreciated the company and, as always, was happy to help.

As they neared North Bend, Don told him, “Time to get on the mike kid, let’s keep this thing going.” Shortly after putting out the radio request, he received a response back from a trucker that was headed right past the hospital in Olympia. Thanks to Don and several other generous souls along the way, the kid made it in time for his mother’s surgery.

Don’t Turn

Years later, the tables have turned and Don is now the one in need of help. He has colon cancer, diabetes and heart disease. For a man that is used to setting his own course, it has been difficult to accept direction from others. His doctor and his family suggested hospice care. However, Don – like so many others – believed hospice was “where you go to die.” In fact, he only made the call after his daughter Laura, who lives in Seattle, insisted, telling him she was going to get on the next airplane to Fargo if he didn’t get signed up for hospice care. Although he still wasn’t convinced, he didn’t want Laura to spend her money on last-minute airfare.

When his Hospice nurse, Katie, came for her first visit she found him leaning against his kitchen counter, visibly in pain, in a home that had been neglected as he battled his health issues. Don describes this time as “tough going” and Katie agrees. “It wasn’t easy at first,” she recalls. “We (the patient care team) had to work hard to gain his trust.”

While Katie worked on managing his pain, the nursing assistants came by to help Don with his daily cares and the neglected housework. In an effort to get Don’s pain under control, he was checked into the hospital for a short time. While he was there, Katie and Cathy, his Hospice social worker, used the time to find a place where Don could be more comfortable. They found the perfect fit in Home Sweet Home, a personal home that is open to those in need of a little extra care in a beautiful setting just a few miles from town. They took pictures of the facility, and brought the photos to the hospital in an effort to plant the seed. After learning that there would be space for his car, Don agreed to give it a try.

Despite his initial reservations about hospice care and moving, Don’s pain is now under control and he is thriving in his new home at Home Sweet Home. In July he hosted his entire family, including his Hospice team, for a picnic in his big backyard. This simple pleasure was significant, given that he has never had a place big enough for a picnic before. Don chuckles as he describes the fun he had watching his eight grandsons running around the big yard. “After raising three girls, I am not used to seeing all those boys around.”

Three months after making the move, Don wakes in the comfort of his home surrounded by new friends, and the reassurance that his Hospice family is just a phone call away. Don is amazed by the change a few short months has made in his life, “It’s a totally different atmosphere. There is peace and serenity here,” he says. Don may no longer be king of the road, but with Hospice of the Red River Valley and Home Sweet Home, he feels like he is “king for the day, everyday.”